Internet gangsters

One of the worst subcultures. You can pick them out of a crowd rather easily. Their spelling is an attempt at appearing like they’re from Inner City New York, making them look like complete fucktards.

A rap song is on YouTube. Every IG in the nearby area is drawn to it and then molests everyone.

“YO MAN DIS TRACK RITE HUR  A GUD TING YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO HEADQUARTERS YO” (Also, all caps)

They act tough, when they could have their asses handed to them by a 5th grader. A fight video?:

“yo man dis pussy fite i cud kik bof dere asses”

Notice overusing ‘yo’.

That’s all. Not much bashing, just venting.

Agitated as always,

-Sithus

Stupid little kids

Now, don’t get me wrong. If a kid is grown up enough to act half intelligent, they’re welcome on my Intarwebs. But it’s the stupid little sluts and tough guys I get sick of.

You can’t even have a conversation on any IM network with some horny young numbskull breaking into your conversation and spamming ‘ASL ASL ASL ASL’ (Age Sex Location, just in case)

Sometimes I have some fun with them. ASL, I ask myself. OK. Hm… ‘42…Female…Africa’ I say back. For some strange reason, nobody ever talks back. Or, I really enjoy myself.

‘ASL?’ Comes the text, with a ping. ‘u first’ I say, wanting to kill myself for using that terrible grammar.

‘14 female nc’ they reply.

Me: no way

Girl: ?

Me: im 15 male nc!

Girl: kewl! (BAH, the dreaded ‘kewl’)

Me: wanna hook up

Girl: ya

Me: ok, but first i need to go take my hiv meds

Girl: hiv?

Me: oh u see, i have hiv, sharin needles i think

Girl: (says nothing)

Me: y, is that a problem

Girl: um no i guess

Me: im so happy tho, i just got a new comp

Girl: y?

Me: cause i lost 30 lbs, down from 520 ya no

Girl: ur fat?

Me: HEY! I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE

Girl: sry

Me: YOU JERK, ILL GET YOU FOR THAT

Girl: srry

Me: I NO WHERE U LIVE, LOCK UR DOORS

Girl: (signs off)

See? The fools of the ‘net can be quite fun to play with.

To wrap things up, whenever possible, humiliate and freak out every dumb little kid you can.

Your very cruel friend,

-Sithus

Paranoid parents

You may even have one. A parent so bent on proving the Internet is made purely for porno and that’s all you’re on there for, that they will breathe down you’re neck constantly.

They like to think they can track what you do effectively too. Ha! It takes twenty seconds to delete every trace of where you’ve been, and if you have a mild intelligence, stopping sites from tracking you as well. History? Cleared it. Cache? Gone. Temporary Internet Files? Out the window. Cookies? Vanished. System32? Deleted, n00b.

Then they like to make you ask them before doing anything, even though they have a clear lack of knowledge about anything computer related. It’s like asking someone morbidly obese how to lose weight. It doesn’t make sense.

And then…OH NOES! They put netnanny on. We are so fucked. Or, you could turn it off and go about your business…nah, just be a pinhead and leave it on.

Not to mention the hypocritical elements of it.

Semi-true story:

“Don’t go on ‘inappropriate’ sites!” The mother warned.

The kid goes and searches his dad’s computer, using the keyword *.jpg.

“Mommy, what’s that lady doing with that golf ball?” He asks, knowing full well, but keeping up the innocent attitude.

Mother flips out. Father claims innocence. Parents fight and divorce each other. We laugh along with the kid.

Now, after all these failed attempts to catch your kid doing something wrong, you’re forced to trust them. Terrible thing, this thing called trust. It’s certainly not important in any relationship, that’s for sure.

In conclusion, Internet paranoid parents fail in every way possible. If you really want to keep your kids ’safe’ (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)  get off your ass and take the time to learn about what you’re protecting them from.

Your very mean friend,

-Sithus

Chain letters

The bane of the civilized.

The food and drink of the dipsticks.

What could be so terrible and stupid, you cry? What could possibly make Sithus homicidal, while others love them, you ask?

And to your query I reply: chain letters.

Yes, you know what they are. Teddy the faceless little brat is going to come to your house at midnight and rape your dog if you don’t repost this to 9000 other videos within 69 seconds. Or, better yet, repost this to 348 other videos in less than an hour, and press a button that will really fuck up your browser with the hope of seeing UR crushes name!

And then there numbskulls who repost them, the real root of our plague. There are many reasons one would claim for committing such treason, none being valid:

A) I quote: “Wel evry1 elz wuz doin it” (Ahem, mindless cattle?)

B) Reposter is a useless tool who does it for no reason whatsoever.

C) Reposter is a pinhead and actually believes the claims, wanting to know who they think they LURVE (as if they didn’t think they knew already) or not wanting armless Suzy to castrate them with a wooden cooking spoon. Usually, they have the mental maturity of your average six year old.

You beg to know, how can we stop this stupidity?

Alas, it is impossible. As long as the Internet exists, the fools will come en mass to spread their diseases, such as Internet AIDS. The decent folk will fight back with snarky posts such as this, and the foolish will continue to wallow in their ways. Never the twain shall meet.

Hm, that’s quite profound.

Anyway. That is all for today. Remember ladies and gentlemen (with half a brain bare minimum), reposting chain letters is bad.

My first one

Here is my first rant, something that has been bugging the hell out of me for quite awhile now.

When people end words with multiple letters.

The idiocy of it outweighs pop culture by ten fold! It’s certainly not cute, if that’s what you’re going for. It makes you look like you have some sort of speech impediment that you feel the need to type. Saying ‘heyyyyyyyyy wazzuppp’ is neither interesting nor is it pleasurable to read. It’s stupid. Actually, reading it lowers the IQ of readers by 4, and it lowers the writer’s IQ by 6. Really. Write ‘youuuu’ four times and go take test, you’ll see. You will probably start to feel a bit numb in between your ears as well. Don’t worry — do it some more, and it’ll become common.

Not to mention, some poor fools do it subconsciously, so impressionable are they by what everyone else is doing! I feel bad for those dolts, and pray that they realize the error of their ways before they start reposting chain letters too.

Ugh, don’t get me going on chain letters.